Well it's been quite a few months since I've written. Samuel is now 16 1/2 months! Crazy!
I haven't written much lately, not because I don't have time or don't know what to write about but more I have SO much to write about I don't know where to start or sometimes they're a bit more deeper and its weird thinking that random people may be reading this that I have never met or even know from facebook (if that's considered knowing someone haha).
I'll start with writing about whats been on my mind a lot lately, especially with Thanksgiving recently passing.
This year has been a very sweet and mind blowing year so far. Sweet because of how much has changed in my life and ours, more so spiritually I'd say. There's been a lot of change and that one big thing being, staying at home with Samuel. I love it 130% and would not trade this time for one second or any amount of money... through God's extreme grace in my life, I have found joy even in the day to day mundane things. Waking up, getting Samuel out of bed, feeding him, relaxing a bit, drinking coffee, playing on the ground, folding clothes, cleaning, showering, taking him outside, cooking, even being alone a lot (because we live further out).
My biggest thing or challenge at the beginning of this new phase in life was being or "feeling" alone with a drastic change in lifestyle...but of course this all passed fairly quickly :)
Then we decided to make our move to Baker, which I'm so grateful for but was hard for me because I was
mentally not as close to friends anymore (I say mentally because truth is, even living in Baton Rouge, the traffic is so bad it still takes 15 minutes to get anywhere, at least!). Just being alone a lot during the day and not being a "busy body". And by busy, I'm referring to an outside-of- home job, something where you are constantly doing doing doing and thinking about work and people.
Needless to say, I noticed a
drastic difference in what I thought about all day and how it dictated my mood, attitude, and contentment. It's like all a sudden I had all this still time.
I thought a lot about shopping, wanting things (probably because I spent a lot of time on the internet looking at stuff), being really lazy (I am already pretty laid back personality so if I don't structure myself, Samuel and I could stay inside all day and play and relax together haha).
I was praying and journaling every so often, spending time in God's word or reading a book so I started to really pray about what I had noticed with my thought life... just asking the Lord to give me a heart of gratefulness, and contentment and to teach me how to deal and re wire my thinking now that I was not constantly around people (I'm very extroverted!). This verse always comes to mind, 1 John 1:9 If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness. So I did that, and I have seen so much change through out the year.
I feel like it has made me a deep thinker haha. That's what I'm known as around here! But it has and I'd rather that than a "surfacey" thinker, I guess that's what you'd call it?! Only because of the Holy Spirit that the Lord seals us with when He changes our hearts ( Ephesians 1:11-14
In him we have obtained an inheritance, having been predestined according to the purpose of him who works all things according to the counsel of his will, so that we who were the first to hope in Christ might be to the praise of his glory. In him you also, when you heard the word of truth, the gospel of your salvation, and believed in him, were sealed with the promised Holy Spirit, who is the guarantee of our inheritance until we acquire possession of it, to the praise of his glory.) have I been sensitive to my thoughts all through out the day all day. Which has caused confessing sin and praying for those things I constantly try to find significance in... I guess bottom line is I see the things I really treasure by noticing what I think about constantly. But I don't have guilt or over analyze, I really truly think and know its Christ in me who shows me these things and has given me and us a desire to really live an abundant life, and are realizing how screwed up we really are. I know (because of what scripture says) that I don't have to be perfect and I never will, and that I can go to the Lord with anything. I don't have to feel guilty for thinking things I shouldn't be, I can go to Him and confess and He, over time, has and is "breaking" my heart. I've seen slowly how much He truly cares and loves His children and just the point of this life which is to glorify Him through everything we do and to get to know our Lord more, even if that looks very very imperfect... and of course to enjoy every season of life and everything He has given us. "Every good and perfect gift comes from above.." (james 1:17)
Wooo, now that to me is SWEET AND REFRESHING! Makes me teary eyed just writing it.
It's been a humbling year because of that. I have enjoyed some simple things, I've seen an attitude change in my heart (any my MOUTH!), which effects our marriage, my patience with Samuel, love for people, priorities, you name it.
It amazes me that He decided to take me,( little old broken me, who came from disastrous home--no hard feelings just being blunt and honest-- and who knows in the world's eyes was and is week and vulnerable, didn't know how to do anything, scared but at times acted like I had it together) and change my heart even after I claimed I wanted nothing to do with God and was confused, taught me patience, is teaching endurance and has changed my family and people in our family's lives and hopefully future generations. Bottom line, it's nothing I did or am doing now that caused change in my life. I'm not special or different. Its just humbling. I made a commitment to follow Christ, and follow Him for real (i've cared for SOO long in highschool, even when I was younger and especially in college what people thought about me mainly friends and guys I was close with because they were my family, I was with them all the time and depended on them a lot for a home, a ride, especially love, etc so I knew when I made this choice that it was all in or nothing at all and walk away misserably.) Think we all care about what people think to some degree, some just aren't as vulnerable and open to publish it on a page (haha!) and some may not have it that severe because they were provided normal things growing up. I don't want to be passive (which is what I naturally want to do) or settle for a not abundant life... and I want more than anything in this whole world for our children, by God's grace, to know Him and get that this life is empty with out Christ.
Things we do on a daily basis the mundane and the really fun things like playing, trips to the park, vacation, family, shopping, friends, you name it, is 100 % times sweeter and RICHER when you know these things are not meant to fulfill you ( which at times we don't realize thats what we want them to do) but to just have fun and knowing our future hope is not here on Earth but in eternity. It makes anything and hopefully all circumstances a bit easier. Because that situation or circumstance becomes this teeny tiny small (see my picture or mental image at bottom) when everything is in perspective. Maybe its His way of preparing me for some very hard things we'll face here on earth in the future, who knows, only He.
Well, enjoy my visual because it's what comes to mind! The (^) is our circumstance or situation we're in and the line is just the bigger picture or the eternal picture
----------------------^---------------------------------------------------------------------------
SORRY for the worlds longest post... I guess it makes up for months of not blogging ?? :)
" Knowing that He who raised the Lord Jesus will raise us also with Jesus and bring us with you into his presence.
For it is all for your sake, so that as grace extends to more and more people it may increase thanksgiving, to the glory of God.
So we do not lose heart. Though our outer self is wasting away, our inner self is being renewed day by day.
For
this light momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison,
as
we look not to the things that are seen but to the things that are
unseen. For the things that are seen are transient, but the things that
are unseen are eternal."
2 Corinthians 4: 14-18
